I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
