So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
