You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
