I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
