Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
