For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
