come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
