just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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