So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
