Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
