I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
