i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
