he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
