why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize