im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
