Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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