Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
