Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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