I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
