I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
