are you still at the devil's house?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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