Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
