erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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