Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
