I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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