I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
