i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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