I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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