Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
