omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
