it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
