fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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