I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
