I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
