u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
