i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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