I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
