all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
