I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
