smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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