I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
