if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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