Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
