I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
