I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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