he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
