but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
