The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
