The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
