Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
