I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
