Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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